Gone
by Selenity Jade
Summary: [Chapter 2 Up] AU InuKag. Character Death. Kagome has died. To what lengths will Inuyasha go to get her back?
1. Prologue

Gone  
  
By Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I'm working my rear off on a daily basis, sometimes working seven days a week, sometimes 12 hour days, and if I owned IY or ANY anime for that matter, I wouldn't need to do that. ^_^; So obviously, I don't own it. I don't even pretend to own it. And suing me will get you almost nothing. I don't make that much!  
  
Prologue  
Rated: R (Inuyasha's Language)  
  
~~~  
  
"What are you planning, Inuyasha?"  
  
He blinked golden eyes at her slowly, as if he could not understand the question.   
  
"Inuyasha?"  
  
He stared at her, uncomprehending as the white ears on his head twitch once.  
  
"Inuyasha!"  
  
His gold eyes finally focused on her face inches from his own. "Huh?" he uttered intelligently.  
  
The pity in her brown eyes irritated him. The thinly-veiled concern in her gaze enraged him. 'What did these fuckers know!?'  
  
He wanted to kill all three of his companions. He didn't want them near; he didn't want to see anyone! He wanted them to leave him the fuck alone!  
  
"What the fuck do you want, Sango?" he hissed.  
  
The demon exterminator blinked at his sudden outburst, not really surprised. "When are we going after Naraku?"  
  
He growled. "Fuck Naraku!"  
  
The half-demon's companions gasped in shock. "But Inuyasha –" Shippo began, only to be cut off by a sharply-clawed fist closing over the tiny kitsune's furry tail. The white-haired half-demon lifted the child up to glare into his tiny face.  
  
"I don't give a fuck about him! He can have the damned jewel for all I care! We can't find it all now, anyway! Just let the bastard have it!"  
  
There was a stunned silence as the monk, the exterminator, and small demon child exchanged glances.  
  
Finally, Miroku spoke up. "But without the jewel, Inuyasha, we can't bring back Kagome."  
  
~~~  
  
AN: *hides from the DBZ fandom* If anyone who reads my DBZ fics is reading this, I am NOT ABANDONING ANYTHING! *pants* So no pelting me with rotten fruits or something.   
  
Also, I have not been that active in the IY fandom, so for one thing, I don't know what is cliché or not. Two, I've never written anything that stayed cliché long, either. So, even if it starts out... somewhat like every other fic, give it a chance, because I tend to have...an unusual mind.  
  
Thanks for reading the shortest prologue I've ever written.  
  
Lovies! 


	2. Chapter 1: Grief

**_Gone_**__

_Chapter One:  Grief_

By Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)

Disclaimer:  I do not own IY.  I don't claim to own IY.  I'd love to get my hands on Inu's little ears though.  ^_^;

~~~

She was really gone.  Nothing was going to bring her back, short of a wish on the Shikon Jewel, and without her, they would never be able to find the pieces.  Without her, they'd never be able to destroy Naraku to get _*his*_ shards of the jewel.

It was hopeless.

Inuyasha knew what hopeless was.  He had felt it every day of his miserable fucking life.  He knew his friends – her friends – were confused by his sudden apathy regarding the Shikon Jewel, but they weren't looking at the big picture.

She was gone.

Kagome was dead.

Dead.

And nothing would help them now.

It was all rather simple to the grief-stricken half-demon's mind.  She was dead.  She was the only person able to sense the jewel shards.  The jewel was the only thing able to bring her back from death.  Therefore, it was hopeless.

Why couldn't those fools understand that?  Why couldn't they see that it was over?  Why couldn't they see that without her... there was no reason to continue in the futile search?

Why had that fool girl died so goddamn selflessly!?  What the fuck was wrong with her!?  They could have won!  He could have won!  She didn't need to take the stupid blow meant for him!  He would have survived it!

She, of course, did not...

"Fuck!" Inuyasha growled loudly to the empty forest.  He had left his so-called friends behind at the site of their camp a few hours ago.  He had wanted to be alone.  As he had every night since her death...

Four long days ago.

He closed his golden eyes and bowed his head.  He was so very _*angry*_ with her.  But it was better than crying.  He wouldn't cry.  He wouldn't give in to the emptiness and grief her passing had caused.

He especially wouldn't let the others see him lose it.  He couldn't stay there with them.  He couldn't...  Gods, he couldn't stay near her body anymore.  It was covered of course, none of them could stand to see the girl they each loved so still, so lifeless.

It was killing a little piece of himself every moment he stayed there.  Every moment he thought of her.  Just like before, just like with Kikyou...

Gods, what could he do?  He could... he could ask Sesshoumaru to help, he should ask his damned half-brother to use Tensaiga on her, but...

He knew it was futile.  He knew it because his brother did not care about him.  His brother hated him.  His brother...

Had been the one to kill his mother.

~~~

Sango glanced at Miroku.  "Inuyasha's been gone awhile.  Do you think we should look for him?"

The monk shook his head.  "No."  He paused, staring in the direction the half-demon had gone.  "He needs to be alone right now.  Staying so near Kagome-sama's body must be very difficult for him."

"It's difficult for all of us, especially Shippou-chan!"

Miroku nodded, looking over at the exterminator.  "Yes, it is.  But I think..."  He turned his head back towards the darkened forest.  "Inuyasha loves her in ways we do not understand.  He did not love her as a friend, like us.  He did not love her as a mother-figure, like Shippou-chan.  He loves her as a woman, companion, and the first person he's ever trusted."

"But Kikyou..."

Miroku shook his head.  "From what I understand, and from what I've been told, he cared a great deal for her, and yes, most likely loved the priestess.  However, I also think that he didn't trust her.  Not completely.  Otherwise, his faith in her wouldn't have been so easily conquered.  And the same goes for Kikyou.  If she had trusted Inuyasha more, she wouldn't have been fooled by the demon wearing his face."  

The lecherous monk smiled sadly at Sango.  "I trust you, for example.  If someone attacked me wearing your visage, I would be suspicious, and doubt it was truly you.  I would have searched deeper to see if that was truly you."

Sango hesitated, then nodded. "True, but...  Kikyou and Inuyasha didn't know that someone was out to get us.  They didn't know about Naraku.  We do.  We are always on the lookout for his tricks."

The monk simply smiled.  "Yes, we are.  But I would always make sure the person who betrayed me truly did before I would jump to the most obvious conclusions."  Miroku glanced at the covered form of Kagome's body, his eyes sad.  "And if someone wearing Kagome's face had attacked Inuyasha...  He would have known immediately it was not her.  No matter the circumstances.  Because she is the one who taught Inuyasha to trust."

~~~

Inuyasha returned to camp just before sunrise.  The three living campers were sleeping soundly around the banked fire.  The half-demon ignored them as he moved towards the covered form of the girl whose life he completely destroyed.  He crouched beside her silently, and stared intently at the still bundle that was all that was left of her.

He allowed his anger to leave him finally and he bowed his head, letting his white bangs hide his eyes.  "I'm sorry, Kagome," he murmured softly as tears finally fell from golden eyes.

"I'm sorry."

~~~

The four travelers finally entered Kaede's village two days later just after sunrise.  A small boy spotted them first.  Inuyasha and Miroku carried a crudely made litter with Kagome's covered body between them as they entered the still slumbering village.  The child knew that someone had died, after all, during these times, death wasn't far from home, even the smallest child knew what death was, and knew it intimately. He gasped, and ran quickly away from the group towards the village priestess' home.

"Kaede-sama!" the childlike voice cried as he banged on the door loudly.  "Kaede-sama!"

The old, one-eyed woman opened the door, obviously having been up for quite awhile and looked down at the child.  "Yes, child?"

"Inuyasha's back!  And someone's dead!"

The priestess gasped, gently pushing the child aside, and rushed as quickly as her aged body would let her towards the direction she knew they must be coming from.  She rounded a corner of the house, and stopped suddenly as she spotted the odd group.

One missing companion.

"Kagome..."

~~~

Inuyasha's ear swiveled towards the sound, and glanced over at the shocked and horror-stricken priestess.  The two humans followed Inuyasha's gaze to Kaede.  Shippou let loose a tiny cry of anguish, and ran towards the old woman frantically.  He jumped at her, wrapping his tiny arms around the old woman's neck and bawled for all he was worth.    
  
Inuyasha turned his gaze from the display, appearing uninterested.  The usual mask of annoyance in place on his face.

Only Kaede saw the barely restrained grief and anguish in the young man's golden eyes before he turned away.  She looked down at the small fox child clinging to her neck.

Sango approached the old priestess.  "I am sorry, Kaede."  She looked so lost just then, Kaede noticed.  She and Kagome had really been close.  They all were.  The dangerous and common goals had led each of them to treasure the rest of the group dearly.  Kaede knew that nothing short of death of one of their own could affect them like this now.  Except perhaps for the death of Kohaku, Sango's brother.  Sango would grieve for him like she was currently grieving for Kagome.

Kaede glanced at the monk, unsurprised to find the same pain in his violet gaze as well.  He was dealing with it, however.  He had had years of training to be a monk, and he was an excellent servant of Buddha despite his lecherous ways.  He knew how to deal with the pain death left.  Dealing with emotion was a part of a monk's training.  But he seemed lost on what to do to help the rest of his group.

And Kaede didn't know if she could help.

She finally allowed her gaze to take in the covered form on the litter between the two men.  It was unthinkable that Inuyasha would allow something to happen to Kagome, but here it was.  She was dead.

The little woman that she had begun to look upon like a younger sister, or perhaps daughter, the one that resembled her respected sister Kikyou so very much...

Was dead.

"No..."  She hugged the little fox child tighter.  She cleared her throat.  "Bring her into the house," she said finally, grief roughening her voice.

The men carried her away.

But not without one last glance into Inuyasha's face.

Kaede gasped in shock.

His eyes were tinted red.  Not from tears.  Not from grief.

From madness.

~~~

**Next Chapter:**  Inuyasha travels into the future to tell her family what has happened.  While he's gone, the group gets a visitor.

**AN:**  This chapter is also shorter than most of my stuff usually is, chapter-wise, but that's okay.  That was a very nice stopping point, so I had to.  ^_^;  

**Thanks:**  Kristin (Yes, his background is fun.  ^_^) and Rachel Crystal.

**Plugs:**  Go read squeakyinuears' Kagome/Inuyasha fic!  Here: ?storyid=1509914

Lovies!


	3. Chapter 2: Devastation

**Gone**  
By Selenity Jade

Chapter Two: Devastation  
Rating: M

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha. I never will own Inuyasha. I only dream of owning him so I could run my hands through his hair... (drool) I'll settle for Sesshoumaru's hair though... (sigh) The older brother's hair is probably softer anyway.

**Notes**: Yes, I know I've been gone awhile; yes, I'm coming back slowly before I go insane... (sigh). So those of you still following me, just email or review me and let me know _which_ fic you'd like me to update. This includes all my DBZ, SM, IY, and Trigun stuff. This fic was requested so if it's requested again, it goes to the bottom of the 'requested' list. That list is on my Fanfiction . net profile as that site is the easiest one to update the dang profile on. When I update at MMorg I'll probably also use that profile to keep an updated list as well... I hope. So remember, email is fine, or review, which update you are craving most.

**Last Chapter**: Kaede learns that Kagome is gone.

X 

"Maybe we should watch Inuyasha?" Sango suggested quietly.

The lecherous monk glanced over his shoulder at her, saddened to see the lingering guilt and pain in her eyes. She looked haunted; a bit like she did when they ran into Kohaku. She and Kagome had been close, and Miroku suspected that Sango trusted Kagome above everyone else. Their group had become almost like family to her now that she had lost everyone to Naraku's plots. And even he found himself thinking of them in a familial way. It tore them all up to lose the most important one in their little family, the one that had held them all together.

He shook his head, and turned back to the door of the hut. "He would rather be alone."

"Yes, but that isn't good for him," the demon slayer stated softly in worry.

"That is true, but right now, I think it would be best to leave him be. He loved her more than any of us did."

"No, he didn't!" the kitsune suddenly cried out, hopping to his feet angrily. "He hated her! He was always so mean to her, ran around with that dead girl all the time, and made Kagome cry! She had nightmares about him, and she cried more. You don't hurt people you love! Mama and Papa loved me and they didn't hurt me! I didn't hurt Kagome 'cause I loved her more than he did!"

Miroku patted the little child on his reddish hair and smiled sadly. "We know you loved her, Shippou."

"Then why say he loves her more! He doesn't! He didn't deserve her! He didn't protect her like he said he was going to! I hate him! I hate him! He let her die!"

"Shippou!" Sango snapped, standing up. "Don't you ever say that!" She stayed there on her feet, shaking with emotion and Miroku was afraid she'd start crying. She really did need to grieve and he knew she hadn't let herself yet, as if she kept hoping Kagome-sama would come back.

"But it's true!"

"No!" Sango cried, her hand reaching automatically for her weapon. "Inuyasha is beating himself up over it as it is! He doesn't need our accusations too! He _loved_ her, Shippou. Just one look at him now and you'd see it. She was the only one he talked to. She was the only one who listened to him. The only one who _accepted_ him from the beginning when even we didn't! She was his friend, his best friend, and she stuck by him, no matter what. He hasn't eaten, or slept, or-"

"Sango, please," Miroku cut in, standing up gracefully. "Let me." He knelt down to the sniffling kitsune. "Shippou, Inuyasha doesn't show he cares about people, remember? He got jealous over Kouga a lot, don't you remember? And every time Kagome-sama got hurt, he was always the most distraught. Don't think on him with hatred because she is gone, Shippou. He already hates himself for that. What he needs now is our understanding and patience. Pay attention to how he acts, not what he says. He's hurting just like you are."

"But... I want her back," the child stated finally as he hung his head.

The monk sighed, and scooped the child up. "I know. We do too."

The tiny fox-child gripped the monk's robes and buried his face into them, releasing heart-stopping sobs of grief as the demon slayer watched with tears in her eyes.

X 

Kaede glanced up as she felt a familiar youki approach, and she smiled kindly – if a bit sadly – at the hanyou who was approaching. He looked worse than she'd ever seen him. His fire-rat outfit was torn in so many places it looked irreparable, luckily, that never seemed to be a problem for Inuyasha most of the time. He looked haunted, hallow, and weak. He looked utterly defeated, and his eyes held darkness she hadn't seen him exhibit before, not even when he came to destroy the village after he thought her sister had betrayed him.

It made her shiver, and she wondered again if that madness she saw before wasn't in fact a hallucination, but truth.

"Inuyasha?"

"I'm gonna go tell her mom." His voice was so bland and blunt; Kaede would have winced if she hadn't had fifty years of practice in schooling her thoughts and emotions.

"That would be wise. The family deserves to know," the old miko said softly, watching the half-demon carefully. She wished that one of the others could make the journey through the well to spare Inuyasha the task, but since it was impossible and someone needed to do it, she wasn't going to reason with him.

Inuyasha had started to grow on her and she cared about the boy. The changes Kagome had wrought in the scarred and damaged half-demon were nothing short of miraculous, and the hanyou even brought himself to voice concern for her now and again. She never had children, so had never had grandchildren, but with Kagome, Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou around, that lack had never been so diminished. Now, Kagome – her sister's incarnation who showed more warmth and happiness than Kikyou had ever shown – was gone.

Inuyasha nodded curtly and turned around to walk back the way he had come – the direction of the bone-eater's well.

She stood there leaning on her cane as she watched him walk away. Her sister had once come to ask about Naraku, and voiced the observation that Inuyasha had changed, grown softer. She had said that if she had lived, it would have been her that changed him. Kaede loved her sister, even though she knew the husk walking around wasn't _truly_ Kikyou, and hadn't had the heart to tell her that she didn't believe Kikyou would have opened the hanyou up like Kagome had.

Their father had told Kaede that Kikyou had been taken away from their family at an early age – at five-years-old, Kaede believed – the first time the priestess of their village had tested all the young girls of the village. Kikyou's extremely unusually strong powers had attracted the old woman's attention and she had been snatched up immediately. Having gone so long without an apprentice, the old priestess was in a rush to teach her sister everything she could before she passed on. Kikyou had learned from then on all about herbs, her powers, and how to set bones and sew wounds. But most of all, she learned how to school her emotions to command respect from her patients and the villagers she protected. She was distant, even to her own little sister who was born after the old miko had died and passed the village into Kikyou's care. She may not have wanted to be that way, but it was hard to take away years of training, especially when one knew that distance was necessary.

Kikyou had always been an excellent priestess, loving one half-demon hadn't been enough to change it, and it never would have. Her powers were weakened for loving the hanyou, but she would have never given it up for him until the Shikon no Tama had been purified out of existence and her love had turned human.

Kaede knew of a hundred ways one could use the Shikon no Tama selflessly, and the only reason turning Inuyasha human would be purifying the jewel would be if the jewel disappeared because it had purified _Inuyasha_. That wish would have not been a selfless one. In fact, to Kaede's mind, it was the exact opposite. Inuyasha would have wished for that to be with Kikyou, while sacrificing his demonic powers was selfless, his motivations were for himself. He had wanted Kikyou, and Kaede thought that Kikyou had been blind to think that the jewel wouldn't notice that. The jewel had a nasty habit of turning one's wishes against them if the wish wasn't _completely_ pure. The only ones Kaede felt were safe holding or even using the jewel would have been Kikyou – before she died – and then Kagome. Maybe someone else with as pure a heart as her sister and Kagome could use it, but that was so rare.

Kikyou had loved Inuyasha, but she had never accepted him as he was. She had wanted him to be _acceptable_ to her, meaning human. Kagome, however, loved the half-demon unconditionally, staying by his side even when he ran off to Kikyou, when he yelled at her, and when he turned destructive with his youkai blood. She loved him, so she stayed. She had _accepted_ him as he was, and he had known that, even if he might not have realized it completely. That was what changed him. The girl was special that way, and no one else would ever replace her in Inuyasha's heart, of that Kaede was sure.

That boy had had a very hard life, enduring prejudice, the death of his father, his mother, the hatred of his own brother, taunts of humans and youkai alike, betrayal, and the love of a woman who wanted him to be human for her. He was barely a man now, only seventeen years old, and he'd endured so much more pain than she could imagine. How he had stayed sane before was a mystery, and now, when he had finally found someone he trusted – the first person he had ever trusted completely – he had lost her. For the first time, he had opened his heart so completely to someone who was completely incapable of betraying him, and she was torn from him.

If he made it beyond the grief of her death, he'd never allow himself to care for anyone again. That was an absolute certainty that she could see in his eyes. He had already distanced himself from the rest of the group, and her. Kagome had changed him for the better, and had made him happy for that brief while.

If somehow Kagome just woke up now and went to him, Kaede was willing to bet her life that Inuyasha still wouldn't be the same hanyou Kagome had come to care for. That part of him – the part that was happy with her, trusted her, and loved her – was dead. Even if Kagome someone was revived by the jewel, that one part of himself that she had healed, nurtured, and made whole was shattered irreparably. Inuyasha's heart died the same day Kagome's stopped.

And Kaede was afraid.

X 

He paused a moment before he exited the well house and walked slowly to Kagome's home. It was dark and the lights were on in a few of the rooms, so he wasn't going to have to wake anyone up.

He knew he was going to hurt them, bringing them this news. He fisted his hands into his shirt, growling softly as he stopped before the door. He couldn't even bring himself to care that it would hurt them; the pain in his own chest was too much to worry about her family. They hadn't been there to see her die. They hadn't been there to watch the light fade from her eyes. They hadn't seen the blood staining her. They hadn't failed her.

He had never bothered to knock before, and he didn't now, as he walked into the house. His sensitive hearing picked up the voices of Kagome's mother and her little brother in the direction of the area Kagome called a kitchen. He headed towards the sounds unerringly, not even dreading sharing this devastating news. After all, what more could be done to him? He already wished he had died instead; nothing they could do would make it worse. It _couldn't_ be worse.

He paused in the doorway, spying the mother scolding her young son almost lovingly. Would his mother have done the same thing? Had his mother scolding him with such obvious adoration?

It didn't matter. His mother was dead, and had been dead since he was five. His father had died shortly before that. And Kikyou had died, too. Three people he had cared about, dead.

However, none had hurt as much as this one.

He watched as Kagome's mother looked up, perhaps sensing him watching her, and she glanced over at him. He watched as her eyes widened in shock and horror at the state of his clothes. She gasped softly as she looked up into his eyes, and Inuyasha hoped she saw nothing but blankness. He would never want this woman to see how much he was affected. The little boy stared at him with his mouth open, and neither spoke as they tried to understand what he was doing there like that.

"She's dead," he stated dully.

X 

**Next Chapter**: Someone comes visiting, and yes, that _was_ supposed to be this chapter, but well, that was a good ending.

X 

AN: By popular request, and yes, it's short, but this fit enough for this chapter, while more would have been best in another chapter. And I just realized that that made no sense.

Lovies!


End file.
